Santa's Wishlist for Parents

("Dear Santa, help us survive the holidays")

The chill of winter is right around the corner as the leaves change colors and fall from the tress. Stores are busy setting out holiday decorations in preparation for the season as festive music plays in the background, and travel plans begin to take shape for your visit to family and friends... Snap! Reality sets in, and you begin to imagine how to prepare for the holidays while meeting the unique needs of your child with autism. Holidays are filled with blinking lights, so many smells, and so much noise! The average household is transformed into a hectic, frantic, festive place. While this is an exciting time for many, it’s the "perfect storm" for children with autism. Falling apart or melting down is a typical response of many children with autism in such an environment. However socially inappropriate one might consider this behavior, it is good to remember that children with autism don’t always possess the ability to adapt to all of the changes and the sensory overload presented to them through such a holiday gathering. Take a moment to consider some of the following questions when planning for the holidays.

Thinking of packing up the family and visiting relatives for the holidays? Consider your family dynamic and what this major undertaking will entail. Staying at home and inviting others to your home for the holidays offers the opportunity for the person with autism to have the comforts of home readily available, including their quiet, private space where their comfort level is more easily addressed.

Does your child with autism have sensory issues? Consider all the foods, new smells including “Aunt Linda’s” new perfume, and all the hugging that goes with greeting family and friends. Informing family and friends of your child’s particular sensory issues will give them the information they need to appropriately interact with your child. Try using stories of their own personal preferences when presenting them information about your child so they can relate to some of the same feelings your child may be experiencing. For example, you might say something like, “you know how it feels when you sit down to a good meal in a restaurant, and you get ready to take that first bite when unexpectedly you get a whiff of the lady at the next table who decided to wear the very strong overwhelming perfume?” For some people it kind of takes their appetite away, while others actually feel ill. For someone on the spectrum, these smells can illicit the same reaction, many times with much higher intensity. Teaching your child to offer his/her hand when approached by others for the customary hug is a polite response for a sometimes very uncomfortable situation for a child with autism who guards their personal space and doesn’t like to be hugged or touched. Dietary issues can be solved by planning ahead if you are indeed traveling to a holiday meal and packing some of your child’s preferred foods.

Social stories [view an example], a calendar, and a timeline can be great tools when preparing your child for upcoming, unexpected events during the holiday season. A social story explaining the changes, as well as appropriate ways to handle difficult situations that best meet the individual needs of your child gives them options to practice and utilize in the

midst of holiday chaos. Pairing that with a scale helps the child to understand what they may be feeling during this difficult time, and what they can do to help alleviate the stress during the holidays. Self-regulation skills can be very difficult so presenting information in a very concrete format not only gives them the information they need to prepare for the upcomingchange, but also gives you the opportunity to practice appropriate self-regulation skills that make sense to your child. Below is an example of a short social script paired with a 5 point scale that provides the child with information about what he/she can do to prepare for change. It shows the child how feelings such as anxiety “look”, how situations make them “feel”, and what they can try to do in the midst of these feelings. After discussion with the child, the parent can determine what types of strategies are successful for the child when they are feeling most frustrated. Some children are taught to excuse themselves and go to a quiet place, while others might have a koosh ball they can squeeze to help calm them in stressful situations. Remember, use what works for your child!

	Looks like	How do I feel?	I can try to
		Things have changed and I feel very sad. I feel like things will never get better!	Insert appropriate support here
		I know when things are going to change, and I feel really sad!	Insert appropriate support here
		Things will be changing, but I don’t know when. I’m starting to feel anxious.	Insert appropriate support here
		I’m feeling pretty good even though I hear that there might be some changes.	Check my calendar, ask my parents so I can prepare!
		I feel great! Everything is just how it should be and I feel happy inside!	Stay that way!

Example A

This example is obviously presented for the child that reads, however the same type of intervention can be implemented using picture symbols.

Stability in the midst of the holiday season can best be achieved by creating a foundation that is familiar for your child. For most, this includes a daily schedule, familiar clothes, preferred activities, and consistency. Though sometimes hard to achieve, "sticking to the plan" ends up benefiting everyone! One idea to consider during the holiday season is providing a job for your child that keeps them busy during unstructured times (good for you), but is highly motivating for the child (great for him/her) because it is something specific their area of interest. Some examples:

For the child that likes trains, purchasing books about trains for them to read, share, and even clip favorite pictures from to make their own “book” is highly motivating.
For the child that likes computers, consider letting them videotape some of the family gatherings and events to download on the computer to create his/her own “family holiday” film. Having an opportunity to share with the family once the project is done will be a great source of pride.
Consider asking your teacher to share basic tasks that your child has done in school that can easily be replicated at home. Purchasing books such as “Tasks Galore” at www.tasksgalore.com will offer many ideas for parents wanting to continue instruction over the holidays in a meaningful way.
Example B

Use the Premack principle to motivate your child beyond their comfort zone, but do so in a visual way. Visually, the Premack principle is basically summarized as using high-probability behaviors (those performed frequently under conditions of free choice) to reinforce low-probability behaviors as shown in Example B. So for the child that might perseverate on their area of interest for long periods of time, their daily schedule or using the Premack principle is a way to structure it so that they engage in other activities. Expanding their area of interests can be challenging, so structuring opportunities to engage in activities such as household chores, family time, meal time or playtime with siblings will give them opportunities to find value in people, places, and activities beyond their specific area of interest.

The safety of your child is a prime concern during the holidays. A key factor many miss when first dealing with a child who has autism is trying to fit the child into their world and lifestyle. Instead, try understanding their world, and make it a more relaxing holiday by being sensitive to their needs. With all the hustle and bustle of family gatherings, and holiday outings it is important to remember that while you are being distracted by conversations or activities, you must not rely on other people to watch your child. Most tragedies with children on the spectrum occur when we are distracted by others and assume someone else will see Jimmy and watch out for him. Numbers in this instance does not mean safety!

The holidays are a perfect time to increase autism awareness. Consider printing a number of business size cards with autism facts to pass out to those you meet. Go to The Autism Society of America’s website to purchase some great business size cards! Take the time to explain to other children that your child is not mean, rude or bad and bring along a book or two that explains autism to children. A really good book called the Autism Acceptance book by Ellen Sabin also includes some great perspective type activities!

Spending time to prepare for upcoming events is well worth the effort when considering the specific needs of your child with autism, primarily their need to feel safe and secure amidst all of the chaos. The ultimate outcome benefits the entire family, and your holiday stress is a memory from the past!

We invite you to tell us your story.